Working for God?
I am a do-er. If I see something I can fix, well, I fix it. I don’t listen to others problems…I try to fix them for them. I can’t stand to do nothing, although many things I “do” are the equivalent of nothing, because there are way too many things I want to do in life.
How many of you can empathize with me?
As soon as I finish one “project”, “assignment”, or “activity” I start debating what to do next. I often jump from one thing to the next so quickly that others can’t, and don’t want to, keep up.
What can I do next? Is a question that I ask myself often.
I don’t know how to “rest” and be happy. Somewhere in the past 10+ years I have come to equate happiness with busy-ness.
And yet I’m not happy. I’m just busy.
And yet I’m still contemplating what to do next.
November 11th is the last due date for all assignments for my last Master’s class. December 11th I will graduate. Less stress here I come!
But what am I going to fill that empty space with? Should I fill that empty space?
Most importantly, what does God want me to do with that empty space? There are lots of “good” things I could put in that space, but God doesn’t seem to be giving me a green light on any of them.
How could God not want me to work? This is the real struggle I’m dealing with right now.
God has called us to work. Why can’t I readily identify my calling? I’ve been diligently searching since I was 18. I feel even less sure of my calling today than I ever have. I’ve been praying about this…studying scripture…seeking Godly counsel.
Tonight I asked God again why I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. “God, I’ve tried so many things. I keep searching, seeking, digging. I want to be in Your will. I just need to know what it is first!”
“Carrie, stop looking so hard.”
Opportunities have been presented to me for service. I don’t feel God’s blessing on them, neither do I feel Him saying “You better not touch that.”
So, some say that’s my answer. Don’t do it, Carrie. His answer may not be “No.” it might just be “Not now.”
I’ve learned most of my lessons the hard way. I don’t want this to be the hard way. I want to clearly KNOW what I am supposed to be doing with my time for God.
I am praying continually. Will you pray with me?