Wondering About My Wandering Around the Mountain
And everybody’s got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there’s beauty here
So, I guess you’re tired of holding on
I can’t let go, I can’t move on
I want to believe there’s meaning here
How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
Standing on a road I didn’t plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I’m trying to hear that still small voice
I’m trying to hear above the noise
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take
How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?
I need you now
I need you now
Today I’m reflecting on the Israelites and their 40 years of wandering in the desert.
In the desert.
I’m not happy with this lesson today. Not happy at all. I keep thinking about going in circles. Feeling like I’ve been here before, felt this before, thought this before, and have learned nothing from the experience because obviously I’m back in the same exact spot yet again. My question this morning?
How many times are we going to go around this mountain, Lord?
And guess what popped into my mind? The Israelites and their wandering in the desert. For 40 years. Ugh! Do you know how old I’ll be in 40 years? Death old! That’s how old I’ll be! (Perhaps not exactly, but I’ll probably at least feel that old!)
So, I decided to look into the Israelites history a little…where had they been before the wilderness? The Israelites had spent approximately 430 years in slavery.
Wow. That’s way longer than 40 years. God set them free from 400+ years of slavery. Amazing. Promised them the “Promised Land” flowing with milk and honey.
So, they set out on a journey with God.
Except they doubted, complained about the food (Where’s the beef?), and showed great fear when they saw giants inhabited the lands they were promised. The Israelites actually wished they had stayed enslaved rather than walked out with God.
Turns out God always keeps His promises. He gave the “Promised Land” to the Israelites…just a future generation. The generation He intended the blessing for, well, they wandered.
Away from fabulous food, away from farms, away from faith, away from their Father.
Their journey went in a different direction than the one God had planned for them, so they basically circled the same mountain for forty years until the promised generation died off.
What a legacy to leave your kids.
You have received this land because of a promise God made your fathers. Your fathers didn’t receive this land because they were a bunch of doubting, whining, ‘fraidy-cats. Congratulations and may you be more faithful than they were.
Ouch. That hurts.
Some of you may be asking a question some ladies asked me at Women’s Ministry last night.
“What translation are you reading out of, Carrie?”
That’s my interpretation…cold, hard fact version. Tell it like it is…know it’s stepping all over my own feet and I’m not trying to smash yours.
I wonder if God’s spoken to me like He spoke to Moses and I missed it?
I don’t want to wander for 40 years. And as the song above says, “How many times have You heard me cry out, God please take this?” I’m wondering if He’s simply going to give me strength to breathe through my wandering rather than take me out of the wandering.
The truth is (Women’s Ministry peeps this is for you…) one of my biggest fears, if not THE biggest, is missing my calling. At the ripe ‘ole age of 34, I’m still wandering around the mountain. Still offering up the same ‘ole prayer I’ve been offering up for at least 13 of those years. And at the same time, I’m afraid I’ve missed it along away…made a decision that took the opportunity away from me, whined, doubted, or ran scared instead of pushing forward.
(Scripture References Exodus 6; Numbers 11, 13, 14; Hebrews 3, 4)