Uncomfortable Comfort Zone
I’m pondering this word tonight after a spiritual conversation with my husband on date night last night, after reading some Christian testimonies, after listening to some contemporary Christian music, and in light of a hard assessment I made about myself in one simple statement.
I may not have been one of the deserters, but I checked out a long time ago.
Those are the words I finally said out loud. I’ve known it for a long time. Admitting it to someone else wasn’t as hard as I expected, but now it’s made it impossible to pretend it doesn’t exist.
When I think about the word complacency I think about the word comfortable. And yet comfortable is the last word I would choose to describe the place I have been.
How would I describe it?
- Going through the motions
- Doing what’s expected
- Keeping my commitments
By all appearances, I’m being a “good” Christian person. In all truth, I’ve fallen into the trap of complacency.
I’ve given up my joy, I’ve sacrificed my creativity, I’ve quenched my visions, and inspiration seems further away than ever.
I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in divine appointments. Last week while thinking about “love” topics to blog about this month, the phrase “love does” popped into my mind. It sounded familiar, so I googled it. I found a book with that title by an author I’d never read. Turns out it was Christian non-fiction, and kind of rung a bell. I downloading to my Kindle and added it to my reading list.
Today I started reading Love Does by Bob Goff. The following passage made me gasp, and yes, I read it out loud, in the Mexican restaruant, with people sitting around us, to my husband:
There’s nothing wrong with being typical, I guess, but there is nothing fundamentally right about it either. I’ve never read in Genesis that God created “typical” and called it good. Instead, I think men who were bored made up typical and called it, if not good, at least acceptable. People who follow Jesus, though, are no longer typical–God is constantly inviting them into a life that moves away from typical. Even if they have normal jobs, live in normal houses, and drive normal cars, they’re just not the same anymore.”
Now, my husband and I had a conversation the night before almost identical to this. Expect we weren’t specifically talking about people who haven’t met Jesus.
We were talking about people like me. Christian people who have had the whimsy sucked right out of them, and have become so complacent that they’ve began sucking the whimsy out of every other person they come in contact with.
This has become my struggle. My burden.
I want to live a full life. A life full of divine appointments. A life full of visions inspired by a God who spoke the world into existence. A life full of not only dreaming, but living those dreams out to the fullest.
Yeah, I want to live like that.
I’m tired of being complacent. I’m tired of simply existing.
I want to THRIVE instead of just survive.
I want the general public to wonder…wonder if I’m drunk like they did the on the Day of Pentecost.
I want to be that full of the Holy Spirit.
What do I have to lose?
I know what people will think.
I know what people will say.
The thing that bothers me the most? The “people” I reference above?
They’re Christian people. Not the people who haven’t met Jesus that Bob Goff was talking about above. And that’s what makes me uncomfortable to the point of complacency.
My desire to live a Christian life on fire is conflicting and uncomfortable to many of the Christian friends I hang out with, and living this current life of complacency where they’re comfortable has become almost unbearable for me.
How ironic is that?
It has become a place of torment instead of a place of joy and rest. Yet still it remains my comfort zone.
Complacency or joy, visions, creativity, and inspiration?
Survive or thrive?
Christian friends Religious friends or follow Christ? (I had to change this…I have many Christian friends who are following Christ. Who aren’t complacent. It’s the religious friends that have me worried.)
Praying God-sized prayers today.