Reaching Up from the Bottom
When do I feel the closest to God?
When times are tough. When life has pushed me down and kicked me square in the mouth.
When do I cling to Christ?
When life isn’t going my way. When daily existence is a struggle.
When do I spend the most time in prayer and searching the scripture?
When there’s a need that I can’t easily fill with my own knowledge or ability.
When do I praise the Lord AUTHENTICALLY?
I’ve been the fill-in worship leader for several months now. It’s not a “job” I enjoy. It’s too much responsibility. Too much pressure. Too many eyes and ears expecting too many things, and not much room for me to be an authentic worshiper myself.
But when do I worship the Lord authentically?
I can answer the other questions above almost instantly without thought. This question brings thought.
Today as I drove home after a long day fighting a severe sinus pressure headache, I was almost in tears. I’m not one of those women who cries frequently. The only crying I typically do is when I read or watch chic flicks. Today I fought tears most of the day.
Partially it was the pain seeking an avenue of release. Partially I think it is stress of the week. Even though my horse is still with us, the fact that I may have to put him down is weighing heavily on my mind. I know it’s probably the right thing to do, but it doesn’t make it an easy decision to make.
Then on the drive home, a whole three blocks, Praise You in this Storm by Casting Crowns came on the radio.
I don’t know if I have any praise left in me today, Lord. I’m exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. And unfortunately I still have tons of papers to grade after cooking dinner tonight. I know my storm this week really isn’t a storm, more like a spring shower, but I’m just not sure I’ve got enough energy in me to praise.
God knows my heart. I don’t have any reason to hide my thoughts from Him.
You see, even if there’s thunder in my spring shower, He is with me. Catching the tears that I let fall regardless of the reason the slip down my cheeks.
And I might not feel like praising Him with my arms lifted high, voice singing, while encompassed by a congregation of His people, but I know that I will remember who carried me through this storm and that will definitely cause me to praise Him!
It isn’t when life is great and everything is going my way that I find myself closest to God…it’s when things aren’t so great that I find myself humble enough to fall prostrate at His feet and praise Him for who He is.
Yes, especially today, I WILL praise Him in this storm.