Positively Real (Even if it’s Negative)


3 Things I Love About My Life:

1) My relationship with God through Jesus guided by the Holy Spirit. I make mistakes (sin) every single day, but His love never fails. I have learned so much in past few years, grown so much, and every time I stumble and feel so small again, I remember that it is in my weakness that He is strong. I have not been called to live a perfect life. I have been called to persevere…just keep my eyes focused on Him and try again every day.

2) My family cares about people around them instead of just being focused on themselves. It starts with my husband and carries down through both children. Both children are teenagers. They aren’t perfect, but I’ll be the first to tell you, if someone needs a friend, a champion, or a mediator, my child is not only capable, but willing. It’s the right thing to do, and any one in my house will step up and do it. It’s who we are.

3) My job. Even though it isn’t EXACTLY the position I want, even though I HATE the effects of separation of church and state on me at my job, I really do love my job. I get to work in the subject area that I love, and I have the opportunity to positively impact the lives of students each and every day. I don’t take those opportunities lightly. I am so much more than a teacher.

I was going to do more than three, but I think I’ll start with three. I had a question on my post last night that really took me by surprise. Maybe you read it there.

“Are you satisfied with your present life?”
Yes, I realize my blog posts can often sound negative and borderline depressing. That’s never been the intended focus of my blog, nor do I hope it takes on that overall persona.

A while back, however, I became very aware of the fact that Christians put on this happy face when in public. We do it at church in front of other Christians, we do it in the world in front of secular peers, and we often do it even for our own families. It’s like we take all of our real thoughts, feelings, and emotions and shove them behind our Christianity mask.

When people look at us they see a perfect people being protected and led by a perfect God.

They see half of the truth. My God is perfect. My life is flawed and scarred so far beyond perfect that everything I was presenting was an absolute lie.

I have spent the last year plus some trying to live my reality out loud rather than living lies out loud.

I want my Christian walk to be clear like plastic wrap…I want a see-through faith…see through me and see Christ.

Unfortunately, when people see our false face that we wear in public, they don’t really see Christ, they see our acting ability. Are we able to appear fine when our lives are actually falling down in shambles at around our ankles. Are we able to pull off calm when we’re trying to give up an addiction we’ve thought we were hiding from the world for years.

That’s not living our faith…simply hiding our sins.

My goal isn’t to flaunt my sin. Actually it’s the opposite.

I want others to see that God can convict me of my sin and change me from the inside out. I want others to see that God can use me because of my character flaws while I still have them. I want others to see that you don’t have to clean up your act before you come to God and/or church…it works exactly opposite…you come to God and let Him do the cleaning!

 
Yes, sometimes I get down on myself for falling so short on God’s measuring stick. That comes out in my writing.

At the end of the day, though, I know that by seeking Him with my whole heart I am doing what He would like me to do.

Sure, I could always do more.

ABSOLUTELY, I have huge God-sized dreams in my heart that I’d love to accomplish in His name.

But at the end of the day, I love God, my family serves Him daily, and I have a multitude of opportunities daily to make a difference in this world through the students I teach.

I am blessed beyond measure.

2 comments

  • The mask I wear, isn’t to show that all is well in my Christian life, it is so that I appear stronger than I feel as everything is crumbling around me. Unfortunately my mask has cracks and I am showing my weaknesses lately and I have to come to terms with letting people see more of me.

    • I think it’s the cracks and weaknesses that let the general public see we’re human. They need to see my weakness to God’s strength shine through me. If I always appear strong then they will assume it is my strength, but if they see me persevere even when I’m weak they will know it is God’s strength carrying me through.

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