His Whispered Calling
Last week on my third full week of snow days this school year I let myself dream for a few minutes. Everyone on my blog rolls is setting out on amazing adventures for God in 2014, and I, I am wandering in the wilderness on sabbatical.
I have officially not been involved in a ministry, or even a mission-minded volunteer position, for nineteen weeks. I’ve stepped away from things that have always seemed a part of me. Who I am.
No teaching kids. No organizing adults. No preparing to lead VBS clinics. No memorizing songs and motions to catchy VBS tunes months in advance. No singing as part of a worship team, church choir, or ensemble. No finding mission projects to donate to. No dreaming up ways to motivate and encourage my fellow believers. No making phone calls, sending texts or e-mails, or mailing cards.
I actually haven’t missed everything as much as I thought I would. But my desire to do started kicking in last week with a vengeance.
What could I do?
It didn’t take long for a word to come to mind. Two actually.
Speak. You could speak.
“Speak? About what?”
You’re a teacher.
“That’s my job. It’s not who I am in Christ.”
It’s who I called you to be.
“Say what?! NO!”
See, I’ve wanted to know my calling for many years. I have friends who know their calling without a shadow of a doubt and have for what seems like all their lives. I, on the other hand, have been wandering from one thing to the next seeking my calling.
I want a calling. I have various gifts. Notice I’m not saying I’m gifted. I don’t think that at all.
“I can’t be called to teach, Lord. Other people are called to teach. I’m not. You’re using them.”
Several years ago when I was serving as a youth leader I began to hear a still small voice whisper “teach” to me. I was very young. Inexperienced. Under emotional stress. And definitely not educated.
As the voice became more persistent, I began seeking what that might mean for me. And then a dear friend announced her call to teach. She testified with great detail about the call God had placed on her life. The vision she had seen. Scripture God had used to confirm her calling. She spoke of the Christian mentor who had counseled her. She absolutely glowed. God’s spirit was all over her.
And I knew.
In that instant I knew that God wasn’t calling me to teach. That was my friend’s calling, not mine.
Since that time I have been seeking my calling. A specific calling. A place to serve. A job title. Something to do for God.
And last week when I start dreaming about what I can do next for God, I hear a word.
I want to go serve. You know. Like to Honduras or Haiti or some other third world country. I want to work in missions. I want to start with nothing but God and watch Him go.
Instead, He whispers, “Teach.”
Yeah, I don’t know what to do with that. So, I’m praying.
And I still can’t say it out loud. So I typed it.