Here am I, Send Me
The Commission of Isaiah focusing on 6:8, “Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I, send me.”
This is part of the scripture used in a sermon our pastor preached last Sunday night. Good scripture, right?
Well, as soon as the reference was given, I was annoyed. I am not sure how many times I heard sermons preached from that scripture in the past year, but it is many. As soon as the reference was given, I addressed God.
“Ok, God. I’m getting tired of hearing this. I know this scripture. It’s actually one I use often. But it is getting redundant. Please show me what it is You want me to see tonight so that we can move past this and hear a fresh word.”
I would like to write an amazing testimony of how God impressed some great task upon me during that service, but that’s not the road we’re traveling down tonight.
The further this sermon went I kept hearing this question… “Ask ‘so and so’ if they think they respond this way when God asks.”
My response, “I ain’t nobody!!! I’m not asking them that! It’s none of my business and I’m not their boss!”
I kept responding that way through the entire sermon. At the close of the service our pastor asks if all minds are free. The same mind I felt impressed to talk to made a prayer request that they would follow God’s will even if it meant leaving our congregation.
I then felt that God had done what needed doing without me addressing that individual. I mean, come on, that’s pretty amazing that request happened right then. I’m positive God’s will was done, even if it wasn’t through me.
I’ve pondered these happening since last Sunday. Discussed it with some…and I thought I had finally let it go and moved on.
Until today. We attended my niece’s, Ieva, baby dedication at Parkway Baptist Church today. Now, as a worship leader, it is nice to attend church somewhere else every so often, and just worship. It was a very nice service….for about the first 20 minutes.
Then the worship leader started off the worship service. Can you believe that the scripture he used to lead in to the second song was none other that Isaiah 6?????
Now, I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I’m not no dummy either.
What I am is intrigued, confused, bewildered. What is it that God is asking me? I honestly don’t know. I always thought that when He called you, He revealed the calling to you. Right now, well, I’m doing what’s been given to me to do where I am. I don’t think I have “time” to add anything additional to the list. AND, even if I had “time”, I have no idea what He wants me to add!!!!
I have never been at such a loss for God’s will for my life. I finally thought I was settling in to His will. I thought being a Christian teacher was a HUGE part of His current will. I didn’t want the “job” of worship leader, and with as hard as it’s been lately, I’ve pushed through on the promise that I’m doing His will.
Chris and I decided that I wouldn’t take the VBS Director position this year, and prayed for God to send someone else. However, it has been placed in my lap again. I’m ok with that. I have time. I can do it. I’m accepting it as God’s will. Here am I, God, send me!
Today, though, I’m questioning. Questioning God. “Here am I, God. Where are you sending me?”
Perhaps I need to join another individual’s prayer request. I want to do God’s will. I want to be in God’s will. I don’t feel Him directly telling me anything, and yet I feel like I am missing something major that He is telling me. So my prayer, my plea, “Hear am I, God. Where ya gonna send me?”