Freedom From Emotions: Fight, Flight, or Freeze
One word can wreak such havoc on an individual’s life. It can take what seems to be a calm, normal day and turn it on it’s head in less than a second.
Emotions are powerful.
They have the ability to change one’s entire outlook on an event, person, or life as a whole. An emotional response to one seemingly small event can alter a relationship or even a life for all eternity. Emotions can change the world.
Emotions are dangerous.
Emotions have the ability to transform a rational, sane being into an irrational, hate-filled machine of mass-destruction in less time than it takes for others in the same situation to process what has taken place.
Emotions lead to chaos and destruction.
It is fair to say I have a fear of emotions in general. I have watched too many times as one’s emotions have transformed them into someone downright scary. I have had that “fight or flight” response triggered too many times in my life, and most times, if I were to trace back the origination of the situation, the entire event is triggered by someone’s emotions.
I don’t do well with emotions. I try my absolute hardest to repress my own at all cost. In my experience, both highs (extreme happiness) and lows (extreme sadness) lead people to dangerous places. So, I try to rely on facts. Cold, hard, facts.
It doesn’t matter how I “feel” about something. It is the way it is. (Please don’t read this as I sit back and accept everything the way it is. I can work to change something, as long as my work is based on fact not on feeling.)
If I don’t “feel” things, I can’t get hurt.
That’s the truth. At least it’s the “truth” my mind wants to believe…in all reality it’s a lie, but it’s a funny thing our mind can do to get us to accept lies as truth.
I’ve spent most of this year (Hard to believe 2012 is almost over.) struggling with my beliefs about emotions. To some of you that may seem like a strange thing to struggle with, but it is a huge part of my mountain and I’m tired of circling the mountain.
I have to deal with my repressed emotions to return to the land of the living. But I’m afraid. Afraid to deal with them because I don’t like them. They aren’t pretty. They aren’t acceptable. There isn’t anything “worthy” in them. And yet my spirit speaks to me, “Until you deal with this, we can’t move on. We can’t go any further until this is taken care of once and for all.”
I, like most of humanity I’d like to think, would prefer if my skeletons didn’t talk. Why can’t they just collect cobwebs and stop poking their bony fingers into my conscience?
This morning I was reading in Luke 1 and the verse that stuck out to me was:
For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment. Luke 1:37 Amplified Version
I’m feeling like freedom from (or to whichever the case may be) my emotions is impossible right now. I can’t seem to let go. What’s crazy is that the things I’m holding on to are hurting me, but I’ve been holding on to them for so long that I don’t know who I’d be if I let go of them. My emotions (or lack there of in some cases) are holding me hostage.
Fight, flight, or freeze in the face of danger. Right now I’m in freeze mode…praying that I can find it within myself to become willing to fight.
See! I told you emotions were dangerous!