Finding Peace, Then Losing It

Staring at my puffy eyes in the ghost-like reflection of the laptop, reminds me that I had no intention of being up this early on a Saturday morning. TWO Saturday mornings out of three this month have found me in this state.

I was peacefully (ok, maybe that’s exaggerating a little) resting in a dream when my cell phone started singing. I glanced at the alarm clock as I rushed toward the living room to grab the phone. I knew from the melody it was Chris.

He left around 6:00 am to go deer hunting. Same as he and Cam did two weeks ago for youth season. When I realized the clock truly said 7:10 am, I thought something was wrong. There is NO way Chris could have gotten a deer that quickly. Especially not after Cam got one in 15 minutes youth season.

The text message on my screen said, “Im done im going 2 hunt with joe 4 a little bit”.

Hmmm…..what exactly does “done” mean?

I reply, “U got 1?”

“Yep bout like cams”.

“Told ya God had a plan. Just ddnt realize it was 4 me to adjust 2 fresh game.”

“Were not going 2 starve”.

Seriously, my husband has hunted all his life. Every year. He didn’t kill his first deer, however, until 2006. That same year Cam also killed his first deer. Last year neither of them got anything. This year they both got one within 15 minutes of getting settled??????

The weekend of youth season, November 1st, I had plans for Lily and I while the boys were in the woods. None of them came to fruition because the boys came home so early. This weekend I did not make plans because I was afraid they’d get ruined too. Glad I didn’t make those plans!!!!

Since Chris and I have been married I have always hated deer season, and it has been a very sore point in our marriage more than once. I’m not proud of that fact, just telling it like it is. This year I have been anticipating the season with JOY!!!

I knew that most weekends this month I would be home alone or just with Lily. I was going to write and get some Christmas stuff done in silence and peace! I was going to thoroughly enjoy my time ALONE!!!

I wasn’t disappointed that Cam shot his deer so quickly, but I was very disappointed that now I was looking at having both kids myself every weekend for the rest of the month. Now it looks like I’m going to have my whole family!!!

Maybe God thinks I don’t need to be alone so much right now. I don’t know. We are going into the holiday season, and I don’t usually deal with them very well. Too much family baggage that seems to really hit me from Thanksgiving to Christmas. I’m always an emotional time-bomb this time of year. I was hoping that some time to myself pre-season might be what I needed to be able to function this year.

I’m just amazed that the one year I give my “permission” to deer season, it gets taken away from me.