Awkward Questions–Breaking the Silence on our Silence
This Sunday my family was asked some questions. Real questions. Hard questions. Questions that are easier to ignore than to answer. And yet there was some freedom in actually hearing the questions and attempting to answer them in a manner that might actually make sense.
Fast forward twenty-four hours and a spontaneous meeting at yet another restaurant led to another question. I assumed the individual asking the question had figured out from some of my actions that my life wasn’t what it has been. Or perhaps I thought they had read some of my blog posts and knew what changes had been going on in my family’s life.
However, both assumptions were incorrect and I had to answer yet another awkward question. In a public setting where others could hear.
And then this morning I was accosted with yet another question. Strange and off-beat, but still following suit with the others. That conversation led me to be honest with someone else and ask about their parents that I haven’t checked up on since leaving our church in October.
Which lead to yet another surprised conversation when someone realized then why our family had visited their church.
See, I’ve “talked” a little openly here on my blog about my sabbatical, but I haven’t told anyone that I talk to in person about it. Why not?
Well, for starters not one person has asked.
I’m starting to find out why no one has asked, but the truth still remains that no one has asked. This week has been the beginning of conversations.
After the third awkward conversation of the day, I got to wondering just when this journey began. How long have I been doing this? I scrolled through my facebook posts until I found this:
September 15, 2013
Surprised my grandma by showing up at her church this morning. She expected us last week, but we had commitments and couldn’t make it. I’ve got to stop having so many commitments…
and almost a month later the following post after I officially resigned as Associational VBS Director:
October 14, 2013
Started a painful process of truth telling today. Those who know me well know I usually do that to a fault, but this go around is going to be painful. I hate feeling like I’m letting others down or hurting people I care about that are indirectly affected. Sometimes making the right decisions is hard.
That resignation represented so much more than stepping down from a spot that I enjoyed and loved doing. It freed me to step out of everything else for good. See, I had already been gone from church for a month at this point. That resignation gave me permission to extend my sabbatical.
Stepping out in faith, in the midst of my fear, scared me. I’ve still been questioning my decision since making it. Not because I feel that God wanted me to choose differently, but because I feel guilty because it created difficulty for others while I am finding peace.
I have also been a bit apprehensive of people talking about our family’s decision. While I hadn’t heard any gossip, I was concerned that someone might say something to one of my kids rather than to one of us. The fact that a very few people have finally asked us some questions, and that our kids were there to hear two of the situations, has brought yet another wave of peace to this new and unusual journey we have found ourselves on.
Yes, I’m breaking the silence of our silence.
And YES, we’re still praying, seeking, and looking for what and where God has for us next. Help us find it!