Pride. A positive thing or a negative thing?
Tonight I am proud of myself. Now, let me say that I am frequently annoyed by people who are prideful and sing their own praises. Tongue in cheek, I continue.
Tonight as I was cutting tomatoes, tearing lettuce, making the taco meat, telling Lily I’d dry her hair in a few minutes, and looking at my as clean as it can be while you’re cooking supper kitchen, I started to tear up.
How far I have come in such a short time.
From eating out daily and living in a cluttered, disaster area of a home to fixing homecooked meals, cleaning regularly, and being a mom.
I know this sounds routine for many if not most families, but this is “new” for me. And I’m proud of myself for making the changes that needed to be made. I am creating a home instead of a house, forming traditions that will matter to my kids later, and becoming a person I didn’t know if I had it in me to be.
At the same time I am making efforts to eat right (and feed my family right), exercise, and take care of myself. It’s paying off. Weigh in was today at school and I lost 2 pounds since last Monday. I’m eating way healthier. Portion control is an amazing tool.
A teacher and a student mentioned the fact that my desk at school is getting “clear”. Amazing. I’ve been gradually decreasing the piles for a couple weeks. I’m getting caught up…at home and school. People are noticing. I am noticing.
I’m not as stressed. I’m not as “on edge”, which in the past has made me irritable. I’m finding time to do the random acts of kindness that used to define me. I’m finding time to be the witness God wants me to be. I’m finding that I have missed a lot of opportunities in the past few years that I can never get back. That makes me sad. Yet at the same time it is inspiring me to focus only on one day at a time. Not so much “pre-planning” for events/days that may never come to pass. Today is the only day I may have. What I do today matters. It could matter for all eternity.
I’m finding peace in this “normalcy” that many have called routine for years. I’m finding that I don’t have to go to everything, be everyone, or be the best at what I do. I simply have to be in the moment. Be who He made me to be.
Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t “arrived”. I’m not there yet. There’s still lots of work to do. But I’m finding joy and a bit of pride in the process.